


Who Knew

by xDestinyIsCallingx



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Pre-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 23:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14436393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDestinyIsCallingx/pseuds/xDestinyIsCallingx
Summary: Hermann and Newton before the events of Uprising. A take on what might of happened between Hermann and Newton in those missing years.





	Who Knew

The war had been over for three years now. Over that time people had celebrated, mourned, re-built and moved on. As for Hermann and Newton they had settled down, together no less. 

After drifting that day, feelings had come to light and a brand new perspective on their relationship had been presented to them. For Hermann the drift made where they were at now possible. He'd never thought he'd say this but he was, in a way, thankful for Newton's recklessness, if he hadn't of created that drift contraption out of garbage he was sure he may never have confessed his feelings on his own without that rather violent push. Seeing Newton like that, spasming on the floor, had flipped a switch on in Hermann. The thought of losing him had shook him and made him realize that for all his often over bearing and irritating ways, Hermann wouldn't be without him.

They'd made plans together almost immediately. Newton excitedly babbling about them living together and how it wasn't really all that different to what they'd been doing, living out of each others pockets at the Shatterdome, working in close proximity and even though they bickered constantly they looked out for one another. When one fell asleep at their station the other would cover them or remove their glasses. They'd wordlessly leave drinks or food for each other if they hadn't eaten for awhile, steeped in their work too busy to notice their own needs. Small things like that spoke of feelings deeper both had failed to notice or at least acknowledge in the other and in themselves.

If you had told Hermann during those years that Newton would end up taking a new job at Shao industries and that over time he'd become more and more distant, he'd have dismissed the very notion. Sure Hermann had always had doubts, insecurities, mainly about himself. He knew a relationship with him wasn't easy. He wasn't outgoing, he wasn't the best dressed, he wasn't social, all the things that Newton was. So, when the day Newton returned home bringing news of an offer to be head of the science and research division for Shao industries, Hermann's heart cracked.

 

Hermann heard the front door open and close, he exited the kitchen where he was making tea to greet Newton. Newton went into the living area and flopped down onto the sofa. Hermann placed two cups of tea on the coffee table and sat beside Newton. He noticed that Newton looked a little tired, head resting on the back of the sofa, eyes closed. Hermann smiled softly and leant over to press a kiss on Newton's cheek. Newton's eyes slowly opened and he turned his head to face Hermann.

"Hey."

Hermann smiled down at him. "I made us tea. You look tired, everything alright?"

Newton said nothing as he sat up and picked up his cup of tea. He took a sip. "Thanks."

Hermann took a sip of his own, putting it back down and turning to face Newton. "Is there something wrong, Newton?"

Newton sighed. "No. Yes. Well-" Newton also turned to be face to face with Hermann. "There's something I have to tell you, something unbelievable happened to me today and I don't know how to say it."

Hermann placed a hand on Newton's knee. "Just tell me."

Newton nodded, letting out a deep breath and running a hand through his hair. "Okay. So, you're aware of Shao industries, right?"

Hermann nodded. How could anyone not be, they were one of the biggest names in the business. "Of course."

Newton bit his lip. "Well, they've asked me to be the head of their science division. And Hermann, I really want to say yes."

Hermann didn't say anything or move, he felt something inside him fracture. Some voices which had been dormant for awhile, reared their ugly heads again. _"It's happening. It's finally here. He's going to leave you."_

Newton scanned Hermann's blank expression. "Hermann?" He took Hermann's hand in his own.

The action brought Hermann out of his thoughts. "What?"

Newton felt his own heart protest against his decision but the opportunity that had presented itself to him offered him everything he'd always wanted, recognition, respect and he couldn't lie the paycheck wasn't unappealing.

"I- Hermann, I'm... I'm going to take it. I'm sorry, I just... they're offering things I've always wanted."

What about me? Hermann wanted to say. Can't I be everything you've ever wanted, like you are for me? Don't go, stay with me. That's what Hermann wanted to say.

"You really want this?" Hermann asked. Newton nodded. "Then I won't stand in your way. I wouldn't want to hinder your growth, hold you back."

Newton pulled Hermann closer, holding one hand to his chest and using his other to place on the back of Hermann's neck. "You aren't holding me back, Hermann, never did. I just- I have to go."

Hermann nodded. "I understand." And he really did. He just wish he didn't.

Newton felt a little nervous at how easily Hermann was accepting it. "You don't have to. I know I'm being selfish and that you probably think I'm an ass-"

"No, I don't think that. Don't presume to know what I'm feeling."

Newton was a little taken a back by Hermann's harsh tone. "Hermann, unless you've forgotten not only have we known each other for years but we drifted, of course I know you're feelings."

"Then would you bloody consider them!"

"Well, maybe I would if you didn't try and pretend like you didn't care! The moment I told you, you switched off, put up a wall trying to protect yourself! And even though we drifted it would be nice to not have to resort to that connection to figure out how you're feeling!"

Hermann could feel irrational anger build up within him mixed with hurt causing a lump to form in his throat. He got up and headed for his study, shutting the door behind him and leaning heavily on it.

Newton watched him go, sighing, he didn't want things to be like this between them before he left.

*

Hermann didn't emerge from his study for some time. Stepping out and closing the door behind him he noticed how dark it had gotten. There were no lights on and no sign of Newton. He sighed and went to the bedroom.

The bedroom was just as dark, only moonlight illuminated the room. Hermann could make out a Newton sized lump in the bed. Hermann stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed, hand tightening and loosening on the handle of his cane. He wasn't sure how long Newton had been in bed or if he was asleep. He spoke anyway. "I'm sorry." Nothing. Hermann swallowed and hung his head.

The bedside lamp turned on. "I'm sorry, too." Hermann looked up, Newton was still bundled in the covers.

"It's quite alright, Newton. I know that I am, shall we say, careful with my emotions."

Hermann heard an amused huff. Newton turned and sat up. "Understatement."

Hermann avoided Newton's eyes guiltily. "But, Hermann, I should apologize too. I just wanted to feel like you were at least a little bit affected by my leaving."

"You think I am not? You think that I'm just some machine without feelings?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Hermann." Newton made to get out of bed to go to Hermann but stopped as Hermann carried on.

"I know at times I can seem unapproachable and unfeeling and I know that if I had more money was less plain and obscure, perhaps if I wasn't so boring and exposed my heart more like you do than perhaps I could make it as hard for you to leave me as it is for me to leave you!"

Hermann finished his emotional tirade, his breathing shallow and laboured.

Newton sat in stunned silence.

"You think it's easy for me? That I didn't agonize all the way home about what it would mean if I took the job? And for the record, Hermann I don't think any of those things about you. You know before we even met that I was unreasonably attracted to your mind, right? And then when we did meet? You really had that sexy nerd thing going. You've been in my head you know what I've thought and imagined."

Hermann coloured. "Yes."

Newton got out of bed and approached Hermann, sliding his hands up his arms.

"I know that long distance relationships can be difficult but it's not as if we haven't done it before."

"This is different, Newton. You'll be busy with your job, it'll be demanding of your time."

"I'll always have time for you."

Hermann wanted to believe Newton, but he had trouble seeing how they could make this work.

Newton took his hand and led him to the bed. "Come on. Let's sleep on it."

Hermann lamented. Undressing down to his boxers and a white t-shirt he climbed into bed with Newton. Newton held out his arm for Hermann. Hermann accepted the offer, laying in Newton's arms, head resting on his bare chest.

Hermann wanted to say more, there were things he wanted to make sure Newton knew. Had he actually said the words 'I love you' to Newton? He couldn't recall, would he be saying it now though out of fear of losing Newton? Using the words to keep Newton from leaving. Would it be selfish of him to choose this moment to use them for the first time? He settled for burying his face further into Newton's chest, wrapping an arm around him to bring their bodies closer. Newton pressed a kiss to the crown of Hermann's head, Hermann pulled back only slightly to lift his head so that he could kiss Newton properly.

 

Small things like that Hermann replayed to himself when he found himself in moments of quiet.

That had been two years ago now. A week after that night Newton had left. And Hermann did his best to not make Newton feel guilty for choosing what he wanted. He simply let Newton have his moment. Their last night together he did everything he knew Newton loved. They ate take out, they watched terrible monster movies and they made out during and afterwards. It was perfect really. Hermann had only made it harder for himself to let Newton go though.

Hermann lay in their bed now, the memories presenting themselves one after the other, tormenting him. The last he had heard from Newton was a month ago, they had chosen to keep in contact by letter just like how they did so many years ago. There were a few Skype calls every now and then but as Hermann had predicted, Newton's busy schedule meant that there weren't too many of those. The last letter he had received had been rather short and had come in the form of an e-mail. They'd for the most part kept to handwritten letters, keeping to the sentiment of their first correspondence. He should of seen it coming as over at least the last six months Newton's responses had become more sparse.

Hermann sometimes thought maybe he should have said those words to Newton that night. But he couldn't bear the thought that he may have guilt tripped Newton into staying, but obsessing over what if's seemed to be his main past time these days.

Most nights these thoughts lingered on into dreams, dreams of Newton, their first meeting, their time at the Shatterdome, their drift experience and with that all the horrors.

Sometimes it would just be memories playing out but most were of Newton. He looked different, more groomed. Newton would talk to him sometimes in these dreams, other times Hermann was jut an observer and those times Hermann would wake covered in sweat. When he was the observer he would be a spectator to Newton crying or talking to himself. There were times also where Newton would talk to a piece of Kaiju cerebrum and sometimes Newton would cry out for Hermann, he tried to answer in these dreams, try to reach out and comfort Newton but he felt like he was viewing Newton from behind a window, he could see and hear Newton, but he couldn't touch him.

Laying there he knew that his dreams this night would be no different. He lay there wishing the bed didn't feel so big with just him in it and he wished he didn't feel the absence of Newton's touch so keenly. He somehow still felt hope though that they could still get through this, that Hermann would be able to touch Newton again and that Newton would soon come back to him. He'd give anything for that to be true.

* 

**5 years later **

  
"Newton! I was hoping you'd be tagging along!"


End file.
